Unveiling the Light

According to a poll by AP and MTV released on August 24th, if you want your kids to grow into happy teens, give them a good religious practice and education. A significant 80% of teens who said religion was very important to them report being happy while just 60% of those teens to whom religion is not important say they are happy. This is a significant variance and it makes a great deal of sense.

We may tend to look back at our teen years with a sense of them being carefree and exciting but in many cases we like to forget the tension, doubts, pressure and sometimes anger that can be experienced by most teens. At the same time they are re-evaluating their role and place in the family and may become highly critical of those they once looked up to, thus loosing their sense of security in these old relationships. I have seen many a parent (including my own) wonder what happened to that “sweet kid” who somehow became an angry and upset teen.

As humans we tend to avoid change. We like our comfort zones and don’t want the anxiety and trouble that can come with change. We experience this often in the Church if we dare to change the environment of the worshiping space or if we change an old, established custom. People get very upset when something they have become used to or have come to rely on as an anchor in their lives makes a sudden change, even if that change is minor.

Imagine then a teenager who is experiencing a growth spurt and developing into a young man or woman. Not only are their bodies changing but so is their place in the world. Children tend to see themselves at the center of the world with all things reacting to them. This is only natural as babies and toddlers tend to draw the attention of others to them. Perhaps this is nature’s way of protecting the young. Now these happy and secure relationships are being challenged by a natural instinct to gain independence on the part of the child and the natural instinct to protect that child on the part of the parent. Amidst all of this change, these once secure family relationships can suddenly become filled with tension and, often, anger.

As they enter the teen years, a person’s self vision may also suddenly change. While children have little self consciousness in regards to their physical being, teens become overly self conscious of how they look to others, how they act in company, how they progress in their maturity, and how friends and others perceive them. With their changing bodies they become self aware of their own physical aspects and how they compare to others. Suddenly they find themselves attracted to others in a new way, pulling them from the close relationship they had with their parents or guardians and creating a loss in the sense of security this relationship provided.

Religion then can be very important. Speaking for Christianity, religion teaches a child early on that they are not the center of the world but that God does have a special love for them. They are taught that they are unique and that God has known them since before they were even born. Religion also gives them a set of principals and values that do not change as they grow older. The ways in which their lives are affected by these principals and beliefs may change but not their core belief. This gives them an anchor in the storm of adolescence. It also gives them a community of support, a place where others believe as they do and where they may have friends to share their experiences with them. Perhaps most importantly, it gives them an outward view as they look to the needs of others and thus do not fixate on their own problems.

Teenagers are naturally idealistic, carrying into their adolescent the hopeful view of a child. Bringing that idealism up against what can at times be a brutal world may also jar them from their sense of security and make them doubt the value of their experiences. A strong religious background will keep those idealistic beliefs alive and they will know that obtaining those ideals is not their problem alone. God is at work in them and in their community and in the end God will have God’s way.

With all of this going on, it is no wonder that teens with strong religious beliefs are happier. In a world where everything is changing, their beliefs can hold steadfast. God does not change for God is already perfect. This truth helps to put our own experiences in this temporal world in perspective. What matters are the things that matter to the eternal and perfect God who loves us. This helps us to put our own experiences and problems in perspective.

I wonder then at how casually some parents treat religion in their lives. Often these same parents will come to wonder where they went wrong with their children. Too often the Church only becomes involved after a tragedy or when a young person has gotten themselves into trouble. The problem is that a firm religious belief does not happen overnight. It must be instilled early and be feed with continual education, prayer and discernment. If you give your child little religious training and no examples in living out your faith, then don’t be surprised when your child drops out of your Church. You take your child to the doctor, get them into good schools, and find good day care when needed; so why would you not give them the most important gift, the gift of faith.

I believe too many parents are actually running from their faith. We live in a disposable world with few long term or firm commitments. Even family has come to be seen as a thing that need not last and which can be changed when needed. The idea of a faith that believes in one, unchanging God and which has a set of rules and which calls you to lifetime goals and eternal life can be scary and upsetting if one is caught up in the concerns of the world. Religion calls us to live for a world that we cannot yet see, a world of faith. But we live in the world of today with its many challenges. To let go of the concerns of the world and embrace faith in something to come, takes courage, tenacity, and support. This is why our faith community is so important.

The truth of God remains no matter how we approach it. We can try to ignore this truth, we can deny it or we can treat it lightly. We may even try to change it to fit our comfort zone. But the fact is that God does not change and will not change. The change called for is on our part. Teens going through their own changes can see this is a hopeful sense. They may understand that God is working within them and have faith that God is with them and will bring them to a good result. Perhaps parents think they have change behind them and fear going through it again. That is sad but it is sadder when it causes them to neglect the religious training and faith of their children. They are the innocent ones and should not suffer for our own failings.

Let’s give our children the one tool that will be most important in their lives. Faith is something that they can keep forever. It cannot be taken away and will not deteriorate if properly nourished through worship and prayer. Education, training, manners and social skills are important in life but pale when compared to the importance of faith. Please give your children this gift that lasts for an eternity. You can do so by practicing the faith yourself and making it a priority, if not the priority, of your life. Your religious practice should not be a matter of convenience, only opened when needed. It needs to be put into action daily. Then your children will grasp its value and then not only your teens but you and the entire family may well find the happiness we all desire.

Father Steven Foppiano